


The Issue on the Table

by musicaltvbooks



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Crack, Gen, have fun, lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-20 03:00:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9472541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicaltvbooks/pseuds/musicaltvbooks
Summary: A verbatim minute of one of the cabinet meetings.





	1. Chapter 1

**G.Wash:** Welcome to the Cabinet Meeting™!" The issue on the table; Secretary Hamilton. Please, get off the table Secretary Hamilton.

 **A.Ham:** I am a little bit offended that I am being called an issue.

 **T.Jeff:** Oh, just get off the table Hamilton.

 **A.Ham:** No

 **G.Wash:** Well, why not?

 **A.Ham:** (Unintelligible)

 **G.Wash:** Son, I'm gonna need you to speak up.

 **A.Ham:** IT MAKES ME FEEL TALL OKAY.

 **J.Mad:** Mind if I join you?

 **T.Jeff:** James, what are you doing?

 **J.Mad:** In case you haven't noticed, I'm very short, Thomas.

 **T.Jeff:** Huh. Move over I wanna get on there too

 **A.Ham:** No.

 **G.Wash:** All of you get off, we can't start this cabinet meeting until-

 **A.Ham:** Oops.

 **G.Wash:** You broke the table. How did you manage to break the table. Nope! It doesn't matter! We'll reconvene after a brief recess! And Jefferson!

 **T.Jeff:** Yes sir?

 **G.Wash:** Go get a new table.

 **T.Jeff** : Yes sir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what this is either. I wrote it in like 15 minutes. And there's no d e t a i l w h y. Oh well.
> 
> Pls comment if u enjoyed! Or if u didn't. Idk man I just love reading comments.


	2. The One Where T.Jeff is Very Adamant About Mac and Cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A.Burr: I swear to god if one of you does this again I will challenge you to a duel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally nobody asked for this, but guess what? I'm a strong independent writer who don't need no comments.

T.Jeff: I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you here.

G.Wash: It is literally the middle of the night Jefferson. Say what you have to so we can all go back to sleep.

A.Ham: I mean, I would be very glad to hurry him along, if you know what I mean.

G.Wash: Hamilton, you're not punching Thomas just so we can go home quicker.

A.Ham: So, what I'm hearing is, we'll just put a pin in that for later discussion.

T.Jeff: ANYWAY, we need to focus on what I gathered you here for.

G.Wash: Ok, what is it.

T.Jeff: So, I heard that you were having trouble deciding the national food for the country, and I thought, what better national food to have, than macaroni and cheese!

J.Mad: Thomas, you're my friend-

A.Ham: Why, I have no idea.

J.Mad: My FRIEND, but I have literally never hated you more than I do in this moment.

T.Jeff: ...... I want to be offended, but I completely understand where this is coming from.

A.Burr: I literally cannot believe that I was woken up in the middle of the night. This is so much worse than when Alexander woke me up to talk about the Constitution. At least that was constructive.

A.Ham: I feel like this is a milestone for all of us.

G.Wash: In what way?

A.Ham: Jefferson and Madison are kind of fighting, Burr expressed an opinion, and I kept my mouth shut for a grand total of 3 minutes!

A.Burr: At least you know your faults. Now I'm going to go back home and I swear to god if one of you does this again I will challenge you to a duel.

T.Jeff: ........ I honestly want to comment on what Burr just said but I'm not sure if it actually happened or if I'm just sleep deprived.

A.Ham: You think any of us will be able to confirm that it actually happened?

T.Jeff: Point taken.

J.Mad: I'm going to go back to my house and I suggest you two lunatics do it too.

A.Ham: I'm a little bit offended.

G.Wash: Go home Alexander. That's an order from your commander.

A.Ham: We're not in the army anymore George.

G.Wash: Just go home. You too Thomas.

A.Ham & T.Jeff: Yes sir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by T.Jeff's love for mac&cheese and also my listening to Your Obedient Servant on repeat for like 8 hours. I honestly cannot believe that mac and cheese inspired a chapter almost double the length of the last one. Welp
> 
> As you can tell, I have no idea how politics worked back in the 1800s. Oh well. 
> 
> Also if I had a dollar for every time I added an s to T.Jeff and J.Mad, I could probably afford an 18 pack of Kraft mac and cheese tbh.
> 
> Comment if you liked! Or if you didn't! Also please comment ideas if you want to see more of these! I mean, there will definitely be more, but if you have a situation you want me to write, please don't hesitate to tell me! 
> 
> Also sorry for not making the names bold like i did last time. I just wasn't really feeling it this time. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Here Comes the General

T.Jeff: Hamilton.

A.Ham: Jefferson. What are you doing here?

T.Jeff: Funny I was just about to ask you the same.

???: Here comes the general!

G.Wash: .... Did either of you hear that?

T.Jeff: Is... that a thing that usually happens?

G.Wash: It happens literally every time I arrive somewhere where there's more than one person.

A.Ham: But why though? You're not exactly a general anymore.

G.Wash: I honestly have no idea. You're telling me none of you have experienced anything like this?

T,Jeff: Nope. I think it might just be you.

A.Ham: Actually, I keep hearing Burr calling me a bastard and orphan. It's really rude to be honest. And Eliza once told me that she used to hear people singing 'work' in the background whenever she and her sisters went into town.

G.Wash: I wonder what made this happen.

T.Jeff: And more importantly, why it isn't happening to me! Am I not good enough for a theme song or what!

A.Ham: This is honestly the weirdest vacation I've ever been on. 

G.Wash: Isn't this the first vacation you've ever taken?

A.Ham: Well, yeah. I guess the bar was pretty low anyways. 

T.Jeff: I feel like we should get started with this vacation. 

A.Ham: Are you crying Jefferson?

T.Jeff: I just want a theme song, okay!

A.Ham: I'm sure you'll get one eventually Jefferson. And hey, if you don't, I'll help you make one!

T.Jeff: You'd do that?

A.Ham: Yeah! It'll be something like "Jefferson! The biggest piece of sh-"

G.Wash: HAMILTON!

A.Ham: I'm kidding! But really Jefferson, if you wanted a genuine theme song, it'd probably be best to ask one of your friends. 

T.Jeff: I'll keep that in mind?

G.Wash: Ok, now that that's out of the way, let's go start our vacation, agreed?

T.Jeff and A.Ham: Agreed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I have no idea what happened in this one lol. I just had the idea to have them hear some of the lyrics from the songs and then it kinda went downhill from there. 
> 
> Comment more ideas? I'm all out of them for now lol. 
> 
> Also I just realized that this is technically not a Cabinet meeting. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. Take a Frickin Break, Alexander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I heard you were being an idiot and came here to tell you to stop"

G.Wash: Okay, now that we've finished discussing that disaster of a subject, let's move onto the next one; Secretary Hamilton's debt plan. Secretary Hamilton, please begin explaining so we can put this to a vo-

A.Ham: Betsey? Why are you here? Is everything okay? Why aren't you at your father's house yet?

E.Ham: Everything is fine. I'm not at my father's house yet because I decided to postpone it.

A.Ham: What? What do you mean?

E.Ham: I mean I postponed it so I could come here and convince you to join us on our vacation.

A.Ham: You know I can't do that Betsey. I have so much work to do.

E.Ham: I had a feeling you would say that. Which is why I brought backup.

T.Jeff: Oh, this should be fun.

A.Ham: Angelica? You're here too?

A.Schuy: I heard you were being an idiot and came here to tell you to stop.

A.Ham:What?

A.Schuy: You need to take a frickin break, Alexander. 

A.Ham: I need to get this plan through Congress, it'll take at least another month! My plan is in danger!

A.Schuy: Your wife's summer is in danger!

A.Ham: This plan is for the greater good!

A.Schuy: Eliza's your wife! She's the greatest good you're ever gonna get!

Literally everyone: Ohhhhhhhh

A.Schuy: So, Alexander, we've come up with a compromise, a quid pro quo, per say. 

A.Ham: I'm listening. 

A.Schuy: You come on this vacation for at least a week, and Eliza and I both promise to let you work uninterrupted for two full days. 

A.Ham: Betsey, you agreed to this?

E.Ham: I'm the one that came up with it.

A.Ham: I mean, it's very compelling, but I can't poss-

G.Wash: You are going on that vacation, Alexander. 

A.Ham: But sir!

G.Wash: Nope. It's about time that you had a vacation. The debt plan can wait a week. 

A.Ham: I suppose...

E.Ham: And Angelica didn't even have to threaten to drop kick you!

A.Ham: Wait, what!?

A.Schuy: Nevermind that, we have a vacation to prepare for! Come along Alexander!

G.Wash: The meeting is not yet adjou- Aaaand they're gone. 

T.Jeff: So wait, does this mean we'll have an entire week without Hamilton!

J.Mad: Don't sound so happy now, Thomas. 

T.Jeff: I'm not! These meetings are going to be so boring now that Hamilton won't be around. 

G.Wash: You know what, meeting adjourned. I'm sending you all on vacation. Especially me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why yes, I did write this whole thing just so I could sneak an Incredibles reference in there. For real though, The Incredibles is like, the best superhero movie there is, fight me on this. 
> 
> Also I 100% consider this a prologue of my Maria Reynolds-Hamilton series. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I wish this thing allowed for stage directions. It would be soooo much funnier if it had them. Ask me about them?
> 
> Comment if you liked! Or to offer more prompts! And as always (have I ever actually said this? I'm sorry if I haven't), thanks for reading!


	5. What Even is a Plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Lafayette!? Is that really you?"
> 
> "Oui. C'est moi you canon en vrac"

G.Wash: Hamilton, draft a statement of neutrality.

T.Jeff: But sir!

G.Wash: I'm sorry Jefferson, but we can't lend anyone help right now, especially considering the fact that France has-

T.Jeff: Has no idea what they're doing, I know, I was there.

A.Ham: Wait, what?

G.Wash: Jefferson, why are you putting your hair in a ponytail?

A.Ham: Lafayette!? Is that really you?

Laf: Oui. C'est moi you canon en vrac

A.Ham: Why did you just call me a loose cannon in French?

Laf: It sounded fancier.

A.Burr: And you kind of are a loose cannon, Alexander.

A.Ham: What does that mean?

A.Burr: Within 1 hour of meeting me, you told me that you had fought the bursar, wished for a war, and insulted me.

A.Ham: Okay, you have a good point.

J.Mad: Isn't anybody going to ask where Thomas is if Lafayette is here instead of him?

G.Wash: Madison has a point. Where exactly is Jefferson, Lafayette?

Laf: Unimportant. All you need to know is that he's not in any danger.

 

~~~~~~~~~~ The Jefferson home ~~~~~~~~~~~

T.Jeff: WHY won't the door open? None of the windows will open either! And worse! My mac and cheese is getting cold and I can't get to it!

 

~~~~~~~~~ Back at the Cabinet Meeting ~~~~~~~~~

 

J.Mad: Honestly, that's probably the most we can all hope for when you and Hamilton are in the same country.

A.Ham: Speaking of, why exactly are you here, Lafayette. Not that I'm mad, but why.

Laf: I got kicked out of France.

A.Burr: They can do that?

Laf: Well, really they said I could either leave the country or face the guillotine, so I made a decision.

A.Burr: That's understandable.

A.Ham: Lafayette, I'm sorry for arguing that we shouldn't send aid to France, you're my friend, I shouldn't've-

Laf: No worries mon ami! You made good points, the people of France are scrambling to find any sort of order, and America can't afford to send aid over there. Maybe you can reconsider in a year or so?

G.Wash: I think we'll be able to do that. After all, we have to make sure we keep our allies, in this day and age, dissent is ubiquitous, and can be particularly minacious.

A.Ham: .....I'm probably the Most Extra™ person ever, but I have absolutely no idea what those words mean.

G.Wash: It means that civil unrest is everywhere, and that can be very menacing.

Laf: Where did you even learn those words, Mr. President?

G.Wash: I honestly have no idea. It's like they were just put into my mouth to make me seem more eloquent.

A.Ham: That's kinda weird.

G.Wash: Yeah, it is.

A.Burr: So wait, since this is Lafayette and not Jefferson, does that mean all the decisions we made before are now null?

G.Wash: .... You're right. All the decisions that took us hours to come to are now invalid.

A.Ham: Sir, are you okay?

G.Wash: This meeting is over, I'm going to need some time alone.

Laf: I think I broke him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor G.Wash. He just wants to run the country in peace and keep his not-son from doing stupid stuff.
> 
> Translations:  
> Oui. C'est moi you canon en vrac: Yes. It is me you loose cannon.
> 
> Sorry if the French is awkward, I've only been studying it for like 3 months and used Google translate for what I wasn't sure of.
> 
> Listen, idk how the heck I'm supposed to abbreviate Lafayette's name since he has like a billion of them, so he's just gonna be Laf if I ever decide to write him again.
> 
> Also this started with the idea of Laf just hijacking a cabinet meeting, and then I was like "What if Burr actually confronts Hammy abt everything he said in Aaron Burr, Sir" and then it just went downhill from there.
> 
> Apparently, I am incapable of writing more than 500 words per chapter. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> I love using big, fancy words. And also triple contractions. And apparently also completely abandoning any pretense of having a plot. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Also, I'm running out of ideas for this. If you have a chapter you'd like me to write, please comment below? I mean, I have like, one idea, but it's kinda angsty and idk man I'm not ready for that yet lol.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Y'aint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Y'aint even that cool. Y'all shouldn't've crossed over to my farm doggone city slickers"
> 
> "What does that even mean?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking these stereotypes wayyyy too far lol. Come at me. 
> 
> Which stereotypes, you ask?
> 
> All of them.

G.Wash: So nice of you to finally join us, Jefferson, Madison.

T.Jeff: Y'know what Mister President? Y'aint even that cool. Y'all shouldn't've crossed over to my farm, you doggone city slickers.

A.Ham: What does that even mean?

J.Mad: I honestly don't know. He's been talking like this all day, we're late because I was trying to get him to shut up. Also, why are you wearing booty shorts Hamilton?

A.Ham: I have beautiful legs.

G.Wash: Son, please get your leg off the table.

A.Ham: Nobody appreciates beauty these days.

T.Jeff: Sure we do. We just haven't seen any yet.

J.Mad: What is even happening.

A.Burr: Hamilton, I can't believe you refuse to listen to that wonderful advice I gave you so long ago. Remember? When I said fools who run their mouths off wind up dead?

A.Ham: Yeah, I remember. I also don't care lol

J.Mad: What. Is. Happening.

G.Wash: Oh he got you good Burr! High five, son!

A.Ham: I'm notcha son, but sure.

J.Mad: I don't know if this is all because of my fever, or if you're all just going crazy.

T.Jeff: James, if you're sick you really shouldn't be out around people, you could get even more sick!

J.Mad: What even.

A.Ham: Dang Madison, take your medicine boi!

A.Burr:  _wind up dead_

J.Mad: I've decided. You're all going crazy and I'm leaving before I get infected with this too. 

T.Jeff: Yeah James! You need to take care of yourself! 

J.Mad: Ok, I'm definitely leaving again. I'll speak to you again once you're all sane again. 

A.Ham: Yeah! One half of the worst people in the Cabinet gone!

A.Burr:  _dead_

G.Wash: Burr, shut up. Let my son speak. 

A.Burr: I'll let him speak, since I'm leaving too. 

G.Wash & A.Ham: Good riddance. 

G.Wash: Now since the only ones left are my son and Jefferson, I guess we can conclude this meeting.

A.Ham: I'm notcha son, but ok I guess. Gives me more time to work. 

T.Jeff: And it gives me more time to perfect my mac and cheese recipe!

G.Wash: Um.. sure. Come on son! Let's go!

A.Ham: I'm notcha son. 

T.Jeff: Then why are you following him?

A.Ham: I don't know Thomas, why are you such a paper face?

T.Jeff: What?

A.Ham: Only useful to destroy or completely cover in writing. 

G.Wash: Oohhhhhh!

A.Ham: Goodbye, Thomas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is literally the 3rd thing I've posted today lol. Don't get too used to it, you guys. 
> 
> If you listen closely at the end, you can hear James Madison screaming into the void. 
> 
> This all started bc I wanted to use the word y'aint. Idk what it became. 
> 
> I'm realizing that every time I say "I'm running out of ideas!!1!!11" I come up with like, a billion more. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Still though, comment anything you'd like to see! I'll probably end up writing something at the very least similar to it. 
> 
> Also, if you've noticed many places where a curse word could've been inserted, and are wondering why it's not there, the answer is simple. I don't curse. Not in speech, not in writing, I don't curse and I never will. I will, however, completely wreck someone. But not too meanly. Bc that would be rude. 
> 
> One last thing, I'm considering translating this into Spanish (bc I speak it and I feel like it'd be appreciated). Any of you interested in me doing that, or is this one in English enough? Leave a comment?


	7. Hamilton Squared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well sir, now that we have a Hamilton, I believe we can start this meeting."

G.Wash: Ok, it's time to start the Cabinet Meeting™. What's first on the schedule?

A.Burr: I think that first, we should wonder where in the world Alexander is. 

G.Wash: Alexander isn't here yet? No wonder there wasn't any loud yelling. 

E.Ham: Don't worry Mr. President. A Hamilton has just arrived. 

G.Wash: Eliza? What are you doing here?

T.Jeff: Yeah, no offense little lady, but this isn't some sewing circle. Hurry on home, now. 

E.Ham: I'm here in place of Alexander, since he's sick and for this Cabinet Meeting™ to take place, there has to be a Hamilton. Therefore, I can sit in. 

G.Wash: But are you sure you're up for this, Eliza?

E.Ham: I have helped Alexander organize all of his papers for the past 10 years, Mr. President. I know everything that has happened in these meetings and everything that Alexander has planned for future meetings. But, if it makes certain members of the Cabinet* uncomfortable, I will be sure to explain things in a simple language. 

T.Jeff: Simple language or no, women don't belong in the presence of the President!

G.Wash: Jefferson. 

T.Jeff: Yes sir?

G.Wash: Shut up. Mrs. Hamilton is presenting a valid case. I think I'll allow her to sit in and weigh in on some subjects. 

E.Ham: Thank you sir. I won't make you regret this decision. 

T.Jeff: Doubtful. 

G.Wash: I trust you won't, Mrs. Hamilton. And Jefferson, please show respect for Mrs. Hamilton. As far as I am concerned, she is a member of this cabinet. 

T.Jeff: But sir! She's not the right Hamilton!

G.Wash: Maybe not, but as far as I'm concerned, she is qualified enough for this.

A.Burr: Well sir, now that we have a Hamilton, I believe we can start this meeting. 

~~~~~ After the meeting ~~~~~~

G.Wash: This meeting is now over. 

T.Jeff: Mrs. Hamilton. 

E.Ham: Secretary Jefferson. 

T.Jeff: I must apologize for how I acted before. I should have known that Alexander wouldn't settle for a brainless idiot as his wife. I am glad that in a world full of idiotic women, there are women like you. 

E.Ham: You know Secretary Jefferson, I was all set to accept your apology, but then you went and insulted all the women in the world. I cannot accept an apology that lowers any other person. You would do well to rid yourself of the mindset that all women are brainless. After all, I have had far more intellectually stimulating conversations with women than with men. I bid you good day. 

A.Burr: Sometimes I wonder if Alexander is rubbing off on Eliza or if she's the one that's making him more irritating. 

T.Jeff: I'm very confused as to what just happened. 

A.Burr: All you need to know is that women are oftentimes more intelligent than you think. And always ready to remind you of that fact. 

T.Jeff: Doubtful. 

A.Burr: You know Thomas, I have someone that I'd like you to meet. 

T.Jeff: Oh?

A.Burr: Yes, her name is Angelica. Follow me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * She is 1000000000% side-eyeing T.Jeff. Just so you know. 
> 
> Ok so, I'm just now, 7 chapters in, realizing that Burr was actually _not_ a member of the Cabinet. Well, I never said any of this was historically accurate, right?
> 
> Also, in case you haven't noticed yet, I kinda hate Jefferson. I feel like I've made that very clear, but maybe it's just me. Idk. 
> 
> I think I'm gonna make a separate story of various female characters roasting Jefferson. Like, not even just the Hamilton ladies. Ladies from different fandoms too. Idk, maybe. 
> 
> It's my personal headcanon (about history. I never thought I'd say that tbh) that Eliza has helped Hamilton with his letters and plans before. 
> 
> And yes, I know that it's probably not true that all members of the Cabinet have to be present for a meeting, but for the sake of this fic, let's pretend, ok?
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Alexander + painkillers = the biggest headache G.Wash has ever had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's nice to see that somethings never change. The sun comes up every morning, the world still turns, and Alexander's rivalry with Thomas is still going strong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another not-really-a-Cabinet-meeting-but-whatever-I'm-the-author-deal-with-it chapter. 
> 
> Also! For this chapter only, a future au! Mostly bc texting is v v convenient and also super strong painkillers are key. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I've never been on painkillers, so the actions will be exaggerated. Also, this is in no way medically accurate. Enjoy lol.

A.Ham: Mr. President! Prezzy! Prezminerio!

A.Burr: I think Hamilton's dying.

G.Wash: No, he's not. Eliza just told me that they put him on painkillers and he escaped to come to this meeting. They'll be here in 5 minutes to pick him up. 

A.Ham: Awwwwwwwww, ur no fun Mr. Preznation!

T.Jeff: You can literally hear the chat speak. How can you hear the chat speak. 

G.Wash: Honestly, I don't even want to find out. 

A.Burr: Probably for the best. 

J.Mad: Lemme guess, he's on gretiuno*. 

G.Wash: Yes he is. How did you know?

J.Mad: It's one of the strongest painkillers out there, and everyone who's taken it has acted weird for a while. 

A.Burr: Every once in a while you realize how useful it is to have a coworker who has medical knowledge. This is one of those times. 

J.Mad: Honestly, I only know this because I've been on that painkiller too many times. 

A.Ham: What's a painkll?

G.Wash: Painkiller, Alexander. 

A.Ham: I can't say that tho lol

A.Burr: Did he really just say lol. 

A.Ham: LOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL

T.Jeff: Please tell me they're coming to pick him up soon. 

G.Wash: Eliza just said that they're stuck in traffic so they've just decided to walk the rest of the way.

A.Ham: Eliza? That's my wife! My beautiful wife!

A.Burr: Yes Alexander, Eliza is your wife. You've been married for almost 10 years. 

A.Ham: That's alotta time. 

T.Jeff: You can literally hear "alotta" being one word. 

A.Ham: Ur one word. 

T.Jeff: That makes no sense!

A.Ham: Ur face makes no sense!

J.Mad: It's nice to see that somethings never change. The sun comes up every morning, the world still turns, and Alexander's rivalry with Thomas is still going strong. 

A.Ham: U never change. 

A.Burr: He is literally smushing his face into the table. That can't be comfortable. 

A.Ham: Ur not comfortable. 

G.Wash: Angelica? Please tell me you're here to pick up Alexander. 

A.Ham: Angelica!!!! Where's my sexy wife!*^

A.Schuy: Eliza is on her way up. I just really wanted to see this train wreck. So I took the stairs. 

T.Jeff: You went up 15 flights of stairs in 4-inch heels? And managed to get here before the elevator?

A.Schuy: What, like it's hard?

E.Ham: I have literally seen Angelica flip off a wall wearing 6-inch stilettos. What she just did is child's play for her.

A.Ham: Eliiiiiiizzzaaaaaaaa

E.Ham: Yes Alexander?

A.Ham: I want ice creeeeeeeaaaaaaaammmmmm

E.Ham: Sorry my love, no ice cream for you. 

A.Ham: But whyyyyyyyyyy

A.Schuy: Because you literally jumped out the window of your hospital room, Alexander. 

A.Ham: Oh

G.Wash: Hold on, Alexander  _jumped out the window?_

A.Schuy: I mean, he was on the first floor so it's all good. 

T.Jeff: It's official. Alexander is the craziest person I know. 

G.Wash: Just. Take him back. And tie him to the bed if you have to. 

A.Ham: Ooh kinky.*^

A.Burr: Please shut up Alexander. 

E.Ham: Well, we'll be leaving now. 

A.Ham: I don't wanna goooooooooo.

A.Schuy: Hey Alexander, I bet you can get a pudding cup from the hospital if we go there right now before they run out!

A.Ham: ........Chocolate?

A.Schuy: Maybe, but we gotta go before they run out!

A.Ham: Ok!

T.Jeff: They don't really run out of pudding cups, do they?

A.Schuy: I don't even know if they have any, but we probably weren't gonna get him to leave unless we bribed him with something sweet. See you boys later.

G.Wash: Madison, you wouldn't happen to have any Tylenol in here?

J.Mad: Um, no sir. May I ask why?

G.Wash: I have a migraine. 

A.Burr: Understandable. 

J.Mad: I think there's some in my office. But I would advise that you go lay down, sir. 

G.Wash: I'm just. Going to take the rest of the day off. Goodbye. 

A.Burr: Goodbye sir. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I 100% made this up. As far as I know, gretiuno is not a real painkiller. I didn't want to put in a real one because then I'd have to be "medically accurate" and it's funnier when I'm not. (Maybe not for you readers that are in the medical field tho..... sorry)
> 
> *^ I'm so sorry. I was cringing so hard when I wrote that. But it was needed. 
> 
> Do hospitals even have pudding cups? Or is that just a stereotype? 
> 
> Angelica can 100000% do parkour while wearing 6-inch heels and is always ready to prove it. Fight me on this. Eliza can also do it, but she keeps it lowkey. 
> 
> Man I need to write something with Peggy in it soon.
> 
> If you have anything you want me to write, leave a comment! I'll get around to it as soon as possible.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Cockroaches are Horrible, Ok?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "HOW ARE YOU SO CALM THERE IS A DEVIL SPAWN FLYING AROUND THE ROOM"

T.Jeff: Sir, I don't mean to alarm you, but there's a cockroach on the wall behind you.

G.Wash: Yes Jefferson, I know. I just prefer to ignore them and hope they go away.

A.Burr: Hamilton,  _why_ did you scream like that?

A.Ham: It's flying!

T.Jeff: Someone kill it!

J.Mad: No don't! It's an innocent creature!

T.Jeff: It's an innocent creature that's trying to kill us all!

A.Ham:  _Just make it stop flying!_

G.Wash: It's over by the window, why don't you come out from your desk fort and open the window so it can leave.

A.Ham: No way! It can fly and attack us at any moment!

T.Jeff: And if we open the window, another one can get in!

 J.Mad: Don't forget that bees and wasps and mosquitos and beetles can get in too.

A.Ham: WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT WORSE AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

J.Mad: It's fun watching you two freak out about it.

T.Jeff: HOW ARE YOU SO CALM THERE IS A DEVIL SPAWN FLYING AROUND THE ROOM

A.Burr: Jefferson, it is literally just sitting in the corner

T.Jeff: THAT'S EVEN WORSE

G.Wash: You know what, this meeting is adjourned, Jefferson, Hamilton, please leave before we all go deaf from your screams.

T.Jeff and A.Ham: Yes sir.

G.Wash: Ok, now who's going to get that horrible thing out of here?

A.Burr and J.Mad: Not it!

G.Wash: Have to do everything myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bonus:

 

[ The Desk Fort](https://ibin.co/3EC5c52d39eW.jpg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't come at me lol I drew that thing in like 5 minutes on a free website with my laptop trackpad.
> 
> (I had left this open for like 2 hours before I realized I didn't click post yet. Sigh.)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	10. Ampersands & Decisionings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why are you so Extra™ Alexander?"

G.Wash: And now Secretary Hamilton has a presentation for us. 

T.Jeff: Can I at least get some snacks first?

A.Burr: What is this presentation about?

A.Ham: Why you guys should use ampersands and triple contractions 

A.Burr: Why are you so Extra™ Alexander?

A.Ham: Hey, you shouldn't've said that! Ampersands are important & soon you'll see why. 

T.Jeff: I could literally hear the ampersand. Why. 

~~~~~~~~ 5 hours later

A.Ham: And this concludes the presentation on why we should use more ampersands & triple contractions. Any questions?

T.Jeff: I'm honestly just surprised that this was so short. 

A.Ham: Well, I did cut out a lot from my presentation, I know not everyone appreciates my long presentations. 

A.Burr: You two are incorrigible.

A.Ham: Now should we move on to the desicionings that'll be happening?

G.Wash: It's decisions, Alexander. 

A.Ham: Yeah, that's what I said. 

T.Jeff: No, you said decisionings. 

A.Ham: Uh, I'm fairly certain that I know what I said?

T.Jeff: This is worse than when you misspelled Pennsylvania. 

A.Ham: I still stand by Pennsylvania having only two 'n's. 

T.Jeff: Except it doesn't. 

A.Ham: Pretty sure it does. 

A.Burr: It doesn't because Pennsylvania is named after William Penn, who has two 'n's. Therefore, Pennsylvania has 3. 

A.Ham: I still stand by what I said. 

G.Wash: Why are you three still here? Go home. Go to sleep. Get out. 

A.Ham: Yes sir. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have actually said "decisionings" more often than I care to admit. And I love using ampersands & triple contractions. So like 90% of this is inspired by stuff I do. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯.
> 
> This is pretty short, but tbh I wrote it in like 10 minutes, so what'd you expect lol. 
> 
> I really do need new inspiration tbh. Anyone know of good idea generators? The ones I've seen aren't really for this type of fic. 
> 
> Comment if you enjoyed?
> 
> And as always, Thanks for reading!


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